The GYM part 3

“Tom”

Once the gym closes we all pair up and take various rolls for the night. I’m paired with Tom who always ensures you can see your own reflection in every water fountain before he can manage to start any given task. Not a requirement and painful to witness. As we begin the bathrooms together he informs me his encounters with women and how if its up to him he would have no part of them. He goes on and says he had an astronomical amount of only sisters one after another and how he was forced to take care of them from changing diapers to watching them on the daily. Relaying his mom killed his father with her vudooo spells and threatened him the same end if he disrespected her. His black thick frames and small stature for some plain reason gave the idea he’s had quite a life. Just then all the lights go out in the entire gym. It’s 3 am and my depression is soon turning to fear and fight or fight (as if he were capable of the black out). Where are the double doors? Get me the fuck out of here, panic mode sets in.

A bank like no other full of intention wouldn’t you know

Angels orchestrate the most marvelous show

So close your eyes tight and find your place

Imagine infinite possibilities within your head space

Be humble and kind and count your lucky stars

Your special bank can even take you to mars

Or anywhere your curiosity wants you to be

Spread your wings let the bank set you free

For its more of a treasure chest than a true bank

Stores and protects you as personal army tank

With endless armor and all glowing light

Takes you gently through the night

So build your Reiki bank as full as can be

And watch and feel until you can see

all the love and shine in your heart

Then share the love and do your part

and help someone else find their shine

Close your eyes and just be fine….

If you give a vet a $ 20

He’ll look you in the eye
Crooked or limp he’ll smile,
One thats hard to come by
Of course he’ll say God bless 🙏 🙌
Quiet or loud he’ll be proud
May not be able to raise his chest
May be even be a 🔥 mess
He may not even be able to hear
Make sure to cheers him a beer

He may not be able to see straight
Servants of orders, exhaustin traight

Maybe a hug is is just what he needs
Overfill his glass get him off his kness

He’ll say thank you with slight hope
Make you ponder what it’s like to cope
Maybe he even wanted to go A wall
Hide in a disguise avoiding the call

What if you gave a vet a $ 20
He’ll have as much as you can give
Thanks for short life span so we can live

If you give a vet a $ 20 you can be humble
Share a conversation or quick mumble
If you give a vet a $ 20 remember it’s only 💰

Small thanks for what he has already done
Ice cream cone after a life long marathon run

If you give a vet a $ 20

He’ll look you in the eye
Crooked or limp he’ll smile,
One thats hard to come by
Of course he’ll say God bless 🙏 🙌
Quiet or loud he’ll be proud
May not be able to raise his chest
May be even be a 🔥 mess
He may not even be able to hear
Make sure to cheers him a beer

He may not be able to see straight
Servants of orders, exhaustin traight

Maybe a hug is is just what he needs
Overfill his glass get him off his kness

He’ll say thank you with slight hope
Make you ponder what it’s like to cope
Maybe he even wanted to go A wall
Hide in a disguise avoiding the call

What if you gave a vet a $ 20
He’ll have as much as you can give
Thanks for short life span so we can live

If you give a vet a $ 20 you can be humble
Share a conversation or quick mumble
If you give a vet a $ 20 remember it’s only 💰

Small thanks for what he has already done
Ice cream cone after a life long marathon run

Walking with a mighty chip

Thinkin “aww I’m killin it”

He measures me soon enough

Realizing I’m hardly tough

Where is my progress

Supposed to be?

They discuss scar tissue

Anesthesia and rebreaking me

My ears over hear

Their frozen words

Head swarms high

Chirping birds

I tell myself

Hands up, surrender

Ease the mind

Control the temper

“I Need Help”…
Or so I think…

Drew is sent to his room by his “choice” or lack of three times before breakfast. Phone rings…Hello? Looks like so and so has Covid. Have you had contact in the last blah blah blah. Can’t we treat it like the gays in the military in the 70’s? Wait ✋ now what the hell is that suppose to mean? Don’t ask…Phone rings again, your nasal swab came back with bacteria. It’s nothing to be alarmed about. Come get the prescription take x days before and x days after and you should be good to go for surgery. Hang up the phone.
Phone rings. Surgery has been moved to a different day and a different location but you’ll be more satisfied👍
Me: umm OK that sounds good. Hang up
Me: “Oh good gravy, Dempsi, you need to slow down!” Reaching to stop her I slip and fall to the ground letting out a moan.
The boys check on me, “mommy you ok, need help?” After watching me throw my pencil into the wall. Dempsi races to her room confused how to react.
At some point being injured breaks you in and makes you mad until you surrender. It’s like being smoked in the face on an inbounds play with the basketball, it doesn’t matter whose sorry it just sucks and you sit and cry until your nose and eyes stop watering.
After soaking in tears I creep to check on Dempsi. She gives me a hug and says she’s sorry she didn’t check on me, her feelings were hurt. As we console and hug and chat about how mommy is hurt but it doesn’t excuse her or my actions (her the running through the house and me getting upset). She asks if we can read a story and sits in my lap.
Sitting with her flipping through pages I realize it’s all about the make up talks or the sweet check ins by two sticky toddlers. I always think I need so much help but realize most everything I need is right in front if me. I’m so very blessed to have what I have and am reminded to be grateful 🙏

Finally made it to the lake today. Or as Dempsi calls it “her ocean”. Will had to touch it (can you blame him). Drew wore Dempsi’s water shoes so he didn’t miss out. Walter and I tagged along listening to Al teach us how electricity was made 🖤

Intentionally masked depression lingered after you joined the others above.

Slowly building to a rapid boil, broke at the top, crashed all the way down.

Starting as a fresh mess, gained some footing, kept breaking over and over again.

Natural runners mind, intentional reminders to be still, resting in peaceful thought.

Keep falling in love

over again with

this random personal friend.

Awfully dense fully loaded,

pouty lashes, heart exploded.

The mischief the mayhem

driven, married, working man.

Oh the other side of you

watching you find your balance

exhilarating, exhausting

Bill Gates type of allowance.

Seeing your growth has me speechless

Like “hmm what should I do next”?

Or “oh what should we do”?

Falling in love with you…

There was that time after you passed

I was too lazy to breathe

Blacking out trying to carry on

So wrapped up in the daily grind

Life became a dark video game

Words began to slur, spirit was numb

Unrelatable to myself and most anyone

With no purpose life felt scary

I didn’t know what to do

Beyond thankful for my treasures

Where I came from and above all, you.

Miss you beautiful

Sometimes your not your best and that’s ok. The challenging part comes when performing is apart of your nature. Addicted to the game, hard time stopping, and loves to run easily describe my childhood. Rolled my ankles in 7th grade and from then on the injuries never stopped. The kid who spent more time in the training room than actually practice. More time rehabbing then strength training. Still the expectations were insane. Remembering maxing lifts on game days makes me sick to my stomach when looking down at my bionic peg. Only now am I in the frame of mind to understand the capacity of “over doing it”. November brings good news. Healing is coming my way, time to get my other knee replaced. I remember coach Gary telling me to call him if I was ever down and to keep my head up. Now I know what he meant. Spending time off your feet by yourself is somewhat alarming. Learning to ask for help and reading have been tools for success. Getting prepared, trying not to beat myself up and many prayers for this next big one. So excited to get myself and this body back, its been a long time coming, ready to let this pain go.