Keep falling in love

over again with

this random personal friend.

Awfully dense fully loaded,

pouty lashes, heart exploded.

The mischief the mayhem

driven, married, working man.

Oh the other side of you

watching you find your balance

exhilarating, exhausting

Bill Gates type of allowance.

Seeing your growth has me speechless

Like “hmm what should I do next”?

Or “oh what should we do”?

Falling in love with you…

There was that time after you passed

I was too lazy to breathe

Blacking out trying to carry on

So wrapped up in the daily grind

Life became a dark video game

Words began to slur, spirit was numb

Unrelatable to myself and most anyone

With no purpose life felt scary

I didn’t know what to do

Beyond thankful for my treasures

Where I came from and above all, you.

Miss you beautiful

Sometimes your not your best and that’s ok. The challenging part comes when performing is apart of your nature. Addicted to the game, hard time stopping, and loves to run easily describe my childhood. Rolled my ankles in 7th grade and from then on the injuries never stopped. The kid who spent more time in the training room than actually practice. More time rehabbing then strength training. Still the expectations were insane. Remembering maxing lifts on game days makes me sick to my stomach when looking down at my bionic peg. Only now am I in the frame of mind to understand the capacity of “over doing it”. November brings good news. Healing is coming my way, time to get my other knee replaced. I remember coach Gary telling me to call him if I was ever down and to keep my head up. Now I know what he meant. Spending time off your feet by yourself is somewhat alarming. Learning to ask for help and reading have been tools for success. Getting prepared, trying not to beat myself up and many prayers for this next big one. So excited to get myself and this body back, its been a long time coming, ready to let this pain go.

Missing you was never enough

Loneliness when times were tough

Misplaced energy wasted space

World completely out of place

Time and anger lead to sadness

Bitter to the core feelings suppress

Healing slow as a hurried sloth

luke warm brand new wash cloth

Stronger each day cry on whim

Tears of joy and hardship

Laundry beside the bin

Miss you angel it’s been some time 💞

Dempsi roll, tootsie roll, favorite sweets for the soul

My moms pop sure livened her up, turned her to a sugar rushed pup

And your resemblance of her and your Grandma Sue

Heartbreaking and obvious in all the things that you do

So mind your manners and praise the cross

Grateful for you, our special first coin toss

Why are your arms so strong your hips shoot wide and your tears fall

You take all the pain away then add to it to, oh watching you, lil man you. Your cry is so sweet, your sisters and brother love you, oh your mighty reflexes, lil man you. You act so plain and sleep through it all even Dempsi’s epic meltdown about a mosquito so small. We love you so much our new lil man, love cruising with you and our lil Browneclan

Sometimes I believe he’s more in tune with me than me. The questions he asks or face he makes let’s me know how he’s feeling and I’m feeling by my reaction or lack of. One thing is clear he’s my best friend hands down. It’s alarming how close you get when your pregnant with our personality types. The team never stops full of vibrant of children playing lots of melt downs matched with memories and dreams. We have come so far as a couple yet were only human still managing life. The future seems golden bright with a bit of effort and a side of freedom. Everything will be that already is learning to enjoy it is half the fun. Together is amazing especially when hormones collide late in pregnancy and the family struggles to synchronize. Thankful for the bright future and love that surrounds.

Sometimes I touch your forehead to be reminded your really here. Sometimes it feels like a fantasy or dream and I get paranoid it’s not real.

Truthfully I’ve been lost minded before and I’m learning to trust myself not relying on emotion but a deeper connection within. It all feels like a selfish reality to be apart of yet something says jump and find joy.