Tuning up

Sometimes I believe he’s more in tune with me than me. The questions he asks or face he makes let’s me know how he’s feeling and I’m feeling by my reaction or lack of. One thing is clear he’s my best friend hands down. It’s alarming how close you get when your pregnant with our personality types. The team never stops full of vibrant of children playing lots of melt downs matched with memories and dreams. We have come so far as a couple yet were only human still managing life. The future seems golden bright with a bit of effort and a side of freedom. Everything will be that already is learning to enjoy it is half the fun. Together is amazing especially when hormones collide late in pregnancy and the family struggles to synchronize. Thankful for the bright future and love that surrounds.

Reality Jump

Sometimes I touch your forehead to be reminded your really here. Sometimes it feels like a fantasy or dream and I get paranoid it’s not real.

Truthfully I’ve been lost minded before and I’m learning to trust myself not relying on emotion but a deeper connection within. It all feels like a selfish reality to be apart of yet something says jump and find joy.

Find

I grew up this way, surrounded by empty beauty. Depth wasn’t the question, from around age 10, I knew there was none. “She’s hot”, really gave little to work with. Looking up but never within to find the true beauty of life. The beautiful people look different on the inside, thier souls shine. Easy to find these people learning to enjoy rather than compete. Let it out if it feels right and never be afraid to fire dance with all your person. It’s not going to be perfect or easy but what a life it may be if your free. Take a shower, order up a pamper leave all the bullshit behind in the hamper. Make the mistake color the fuckin picture…find

Never left behind

Bridging gaps

Never there when I needed you

Never there at all

Only behind the scenes

Laughing when I fall

A tad bit wiser

Time helps align

Confusing moments

Left in time

Observing now

Interesting features

People hurt people

Typical creatures

Look for helpers

Look inside

Find the strength

They tried to hide

Vibing hard

Starting communication

Internal voice

Personal vacation

Beetle Walk

Lil Will found a friend

His very first pet

Until the end

He took the beetle

Around the block

Stopping often as friends do

To play and talk

He nurtured that bugger

The entire way

Brought him inside

To crawl and stay

Dad said outside

Mouth jaw dropped

Not in the house

Zen nearly popped

Bo’s tears began to fall

We took ol’ blacky out back

Let him be sweets that’s all

Aww he makes life stop and motherhood admirable. His lense is his own so glad he’s starting to share.

Al explains the city of Atlantis to Dempsi as she dances questioning. The bigger she gets the harder she interrogates asking more and more. The more we grow the less I know. Being comfortable with the unknown. I do know muffins are cupcakes, glitter lasts and glue is sticky. If its not washable don’t bother and everything that suppose to happen may never occur. Also stumbled upon self worth and discovery while nursing, post partum and body dysmorphia shifts to just a phase. Scars shrink habits fade and a new version appears ready to be molded. Fragile and lengthy a new journey.

Double Eagle

Eagle one on the way

Eagle two came to play

Reminded of your last day

Rub my back

Is all you say

Your skin was soft

Rich and wrinkled

My one and only

Kristopher Crinkle

You gave us life

Selfless is your ways

Truly a bueaty

Endless praise

You even gave

Once you said goodbye

Charitable Grandma

With that look in your eye

Forty-Nina

Oh how it’s been 12 years softened my heart with lots of tears. Since you’ve been gone the families grown with one on the way you should know. Missing your hair fluff and the way you walked with purpose. Raising 5 kids your lifes service. You were so beautiful and shared all your grace. Miss your arthritic hands especially your face. Cheers to Browne baby 4 and all the sky blessings that make the heart soar.


Missing you
Jan 2020